I can’t believe the day is drawing near. The day when my oldest daughter, my little girl (really, she was born just a couple of years ago!), the little ray of sunshine who was the first to call me “Mama,” that little-girl-all-grown-up will be leaving for college in just a few short days. This girl has always wanted to be grown up, ever since her little sister could do anything correctable, my oldest girl wanted to be the adult and call the shots. Well, now the time has come. We have done our job. The bulk of our job—which was to raise a child to adulthood, to be a responsible and positive contributor to society—is finished.  I know that our job as parents will never truly be over, but we have raised our first child, and she is ready to fly.

Over the summer, I have struggled with the idea that this girl of mine will be heading out into the big world, away from me and my protection, away from all of her little siblings, off into the great big world where she can do anything, be anything.  I really am so excited for her! I will get to see the world anew through the eyes of a young lady who is ready for the biggest adventures that lie ahead of her. But I have struggled. I compare how I’ve felt this summer to how I felt when I was just about ready to give birth: I loved being pregnant, so I wasn’t ready to have that part be over. But as the time drew near and I became more uncomfortable, baby grew so big that I had to stand up in order to roll to the other side at night while I was trying to sleep, I knew that the time was right. The restless nights just before a baby’s birth were preparing me for more restless nights with a tiny newborn who wouldn’t know she was supposed to be sleeping during those dark, quiet hours. Even though my heart wanted to hold onto those sweet moments of pregnancy, I knew that it was time for the baby to enter the world and begin the journey of growing up and leaving the nest. That’s what it’s all about really, even from the beginning. We teach our little chicks all the things they will need to know when they finally leave us some day.

This summer, my vibrant oldest girl has been working, taking three summer classes at the community college, and spending as much time as she can outside of studying, with her friends. Some days I have felt like I have hardly seen her! I have been upset about this, and even hurt, and then I realize, it’s kind of like those long restless nights just before the baby enters the world. I am being prepared for life without seeing this child daily anymore. It’s like Braxton Hicks contractions, preparing my heart for that time when this baby—now a woman—will leave our little nest and fly on.

All these eighteen years of her life, I have poured my heart and soul into teaching my precious girl valuable lessons, things she must know how to do, things she must ponder and learn before heading out into a world full of challenges and confusing messages. Over the summer, I have been thinking about what I would like to tell her. I want to send her off with words written from my heart to hers. I want her to be able to look at these words whenever she needs them and hear my voice, reminding her of all the things I have taught her.  So, here it is, what I would like to say as my baby leaves for college.

Dear Abby,
This summer has been preparing me for the day that you head out the door and move on to your big adventure! I have missed seeing you so much every day, and my heart has been forced to grasp the reality that you are all grown up, and the process we began from the beginning—of letting you go, and letting you grow—is now coming to its end as we launch you into the world. I know I’m still your mama, and you will still come to me for advice and to spend time, but this is when everything changes. I am so excited for you, happy for you, even though my heart aches with the marching on of time. I would like to send you off with a few things I want you to remember, words to echo in your mind as you face each adventure and each challenge that is to come.

1. I am proud of you. As a mother, I have always wanted the best for you and from you. Everything I have ever done for you has been because of that truth. Anytime you might have felt that I didn’t approve of something relating to you, it was only because I wanted the very best. Of course, I still do.  But the thing to remember is that I am so proud of you. I always have been, and I always will be. God created you unique and special, for such a time as this (Esther 4:14). I have always seen you shine, and my heart has been full of joy at who you are. So, no matter how hard I may push you to try your best and do better in your classes and with all the standards you may feel we as parents have set for you, I am already so proud. When I see you stand up and talk about your faith, bring smiles to your friends’ faces with your vivacious personality and jokes, hug your little brothers, talk intimately with the little sister who looks up to you so much, I am so proud to have such a wonderful young lady as my daughter. There is absolutely nothing you could do to change that.  You will always be you, and I am proud to call you my daughter.

2. You are important, and God has a special plan for your life. You are about to go to a very large university where you may at times feel very small. You may feel like no one notices you or cares about you. Just remember that you were created to live in this world and this time, and that there is a story written for you where you play a very important role. The Bible says, “He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6) Your story is unfolding before you, and I can’t wait to see where it leads you. Wherever that may be, you are going to be doing great things.

3. You will always have a place at our table and a bed to come home to sleep in.  No matter what your sister may say, we are not moving your bed out the day you leave for college! Whenever you want to come home for a talk, for a weekend, for a month or for a short visit, this will always be home. Wherever my heart is, you can call home. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t want you to grow up and have your own life. I am saying that you will always be at home here. When you are married and have your own children, you will always have a place to come with all those precious ones where you can still feel that unconditional love.  And this home will never be the same without you. We will always be so happy to see you, so come back whenever you want.

4. Dream big, and don’t put limits on our BIG God.  You are excited, and are about to enter a world of possibilities.  Always remember that you will only accomplish as much as you believe you can.  When you think ahead into your life, what is it that you hope for and dream about?  When I was your age, I had all kinds of big plans for myself.  I have always been a dreamer, and sometimes going for my big dreams led me to even bigger things I could never have imagined.   You know what?  It’s ok to dream and make big plans only to have those dreams and plans change along the way.  To dream is to have hope.  Hope is what gets us through this life, isn’t it?  God is bigger than anything you can imagine.  When we doubt or fear, we are really saying we don’t believe He can handle things for us.  So always remember our God is the God who can do anything.  “Nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:27) Always hold onto this truth, and then hang on tight for the ride!  Our limitless God, who sees the big picture, will show you amazing things, but you have to trust Him to do so.  You have to step out in faith and believe that He is bigger than any challenge, and your biggest dreams are just the beginning of His big dreams for your life.

5. Remember to always look on the bright side.  One of the best things you can do is to stay positive.  As a Christian, that means to be joyful.  You may not always be in circumstances that make you feel happy and joyful, but you can stay positive and call upon the Lord to give you a joy that isn’t dependent upon what is happening in your life at every moment.  Strive to be a person who sees the glass as half full instead of half empty.  I have always been an optimist, and it has made life much more joyful for me.  There have been many times when I could have gotten down about the challenges and struggles life has thrown at me.  But I always have hope and cling to all the little blessings I can find in each moment, small or big. Looking on the bright side, thinking of the positives, even if they seem tiny, will help you handle any challenge you may face.  “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” (Philippians 4:11)

6.  Always stand strong for what you believe.  We are now living in a time where moral relativism is definitely the norm.  If you have strong convictions, you will be labeled “intolerant” or “fanatic” or many worse things.  It can be tempting to just stay quiet, to stop speaking up for what you believe in.  Sometimes, given enough time, we can even lose our convictions if we aren’t willing to stand up for them.  The truth is, when you stick with your faith and your convictions, often what happens is the naysayers end up wanting to know why you feel so strongly about what you believe, unpopular or unusual as it may seem.  When we were in the midst of having more and more babies, we had so many people advise us to just stop and follow the way of the world and do what everyone else was doing.  We stood strong and ignored the voices around us, and we have been so blessed because of it.  I can’t imagine my life any differently. That is just one example.  Numerous times, I have defended my faith and I have seen fruit as people are drawn to someone who is so sure of what she believes.  The most important thing is that your reward is in heaven, so no matter what happens, when you stand strong in your faith and convictions, you know that in the end, you win!  “He who overcomes will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels.” (Revelation 3:5)

7.  Don’t be afraid to take risks.  I think you and I both love that country song by Lee Ann Womack, “I Hope You Dance.”  I really think it’s a great song. “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”  That sums up this idea really well.  You may be afraid to do certain things for whatever reasons, but don’t let fear hold you back.  Step out in faith, even if you are the only one doing so.  Close your eyes, jump out of the plane, and sky dive.  If you feel called to go to a far away place and help people in need, don’t stop to worry about the “what if,” or even really, the “how.”  If you are called to it, those things will fall into place.  Step out of your safety zone.  There is growth and LIFE off the beaten path.  You may feel like the only one doing it, but you will never regret taking those risks and following the path that is laid before you, even if it feels a little dangerous at the time.

8.  Stay childlike as long as possible.  When I first met your dad, one of his friends said he was a 10-year-old trapped in a 24-year-old’s body.  I thought that was so funny, but over the years I have realized this quality was one of the things that drew me to your father.  He was a strong, mature man, but had a little twinkle of mischief in those blue eyes that showed he still loved having fun and enjoyed a good joke.  Now, 20 years of marriage later, I love that your dad still has those childlike qualities.  Another side of being childlike is keeping the ability to be “wowed” by life.  When your baby brother sees a kitten or a dog, his little eyes light up and he is full of wonder at the soft fur, the rough tongue, the playful antics.  This is the most amazing thing he has ever seen.  As we grow up and life gets more difficult to navigate, we can lose this sense of awe at the amazing world around us.  So, always have fun and look up from the work at hand long enough to say, “WOW!”  What an amazing world we live in, and what beauty surrounds us every day, if only you take the moments to really see it. Finally, remember to have faith like a child. Children are so willing to believe and to trust.  It is not hard for them to believe that God can work any miracle.  Always strive for and pray for that kind of childlike faith. “”Truly, I tell you , unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 3:18)

9.  Remember JOY: Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself.  Remember when you were a little girl, and we used to repeat this to you over and over?  The truth is, this little acronym is really something to carry with you throughout your entire life.  We live in the culture of “ME FIRST.”  Sadly, most people who live this way end up unfulfilled and unhappy.  Always go to the Lord first when you are faced with anything at all in life where you have to make a decision or choose how you are going to handle something.  Put God first in your life, and everything else will fall into place.  Serving others is next, because when you take the time to look beyond yourself, that is often when you will feel the most fulfilled.  True meaning in life is so often found outside of what we want for ourselves.  You do have to take care of yourself, too, but living life only for yourself will lead to dark and lonely places, away from the wonderful things God has in store for you.

10.  Do hard things.  Walking this life isn’t always easy, especially when you are trying to do the right thing all the time.  We were never promised an easy road, though.  Sometimes you will be the only one who doesn’t want to watch a certain movie or read a certain popular book.  You may be ridiculed or pressured.  Don’t let those things force you do take the easy path, or to give in just because everyone else is doing it.  Choosing the difficult things sometimes is what will build character and grow you into the beautiful creation you were meant to be.  This is a lifelong process.  There are many things to tempt you out there in the big world.  You’ve already seen some of this, but there is so much more out there.  Remember to choose what is excellent, and don’t settle for anything less.  “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

11.  Remember that you will always be my little girl.  I finally understand this idea.  I guess I’ve always known that to my own mother, even though I moved out decades ago, have a (large) family of my own, and navigate my life quite well on my own, I will always be her little girl.  She still worries about me.  She still wants to give me good gifts. She still wants the best for me and from me.  And I have seen that, to me, she will always be my Mami.  She will always be the one I want to call and share good news with.  My Mami will always be the one I want to be proud of me.  I know that no matter what I do, how I fail, how needy I may become or how independent, in my mother’s eyes, I am just the greatest thing ever.  I understand that more now because I have you.  You are 18 now.  You are on the edge of the cliff, hang glider gripped between sweaty palms, ready to glide into the beauty and adventure that is before you.  I am watching and cheering you on as you go.  I see you now, this beautiful, grown-up young woman, full of life and promise.  I also see you as you were when you were just a toddler, sandy-blond hair framing chubby cheeks and big blue eyes, sucking on your two little fingers.  I can’t believe you’re all grown up.  The truth is, you will always be my little girl.  You can always come sit in my lap, tall as you are, and I will hold you. And, if you want, I will even rub your nose like I used to when you were a little one. Remember this? “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be.” (Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch)

So, go have great adventures, and I’ll be here, watching, cheering you on, praying for you.  I can’t wait to see what God will do in your life.  I love you.

Love,
Mama

After writing that, I am officially in tears.  As I thought about it some more, I decided to include the link to the video and words to the song, “I Hope You Dance” as it goes along nicely with so many of the things I have written in this post.  Listening to that song just made the tears flow even more.  Enjoy, from my heart to yours.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
Don’t let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

“I Hope You Dance”
Performed by Lee Ann Womack
Written by Tia Sillers and Mark Sanders