We have had a whirlwind of activity this spring, including 6 Speech and Debate tournaments!  All of the paperwork for our adoption is completed, and our dossier was sent in mid-February.  We have been officially approved by China to adopt our two children!  Our children have been approved by immigration to become US citizens upon their adoption.  We are now in the process of applying for our visas.   The next step after that is that we will receive travel approval, and make our plans to fly to China and get our boy and girl to bring them home!  It’s all very exciting and very overwhelming at the same time.  I am so excited, and I have so many hopes and dreams for these children to become part of our family, to come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, and to live happy and fulfilling lives.  I am so excited that they will now belong in a family.  At the same time, I am trying to maintain realistic expectations of how difficult this process is going to be.  I have spent hours praying over all of this.  I am not really worried, just feeling overwhelmed by all that is to come in the next couple of months.

On top of the overwhelming feelings regarding the adoption, I have been dealing with issues surrounding my dad, who has Alzheimer’s and is now living here in Austin.  There are issues regarding his estate that my sisters and I are having to deal with, which have been shocking and infuriating.  I won’t go into details about all of that right now, but it has been consuming a good amount of time and thought in the last few months.  Of course, now that he is here in Austin, I try to see my dad a few times per week.  Seeing him the way he is now is so heartbreaking.  There are a lot of emotions related to watching my father decline, and going through everything we are dealing with regarding his estate.  It kills me to watch him slowly lose his independence, his vocabulary, even his memory of how to use eating utensils properly.  I feel really torn between wanting to see him more and realizing I do have a young family that needs me.  Realistically, I have to limit the time we spend with my dad.  I don’t think I myself truly grasp just how draining experiencing all of this has been on me this past year.

Of course, there are my responsibilities at home and homeschool.  We are finishing school, and a few kids have things left over to work on during the summer.  Speech and debate is finished for the year in terms of regular club meetings, but we have Nationals coming in late June, and two of our kids qualified to Nationals (yay!).  There are meetings for debate prep and remembering to exit “summer mode” to practice speeches.  Then I am thinking about the club that my friend and I started two years ago, and the responsibility of planning and preparing for the coming year.  There are changes happening with that, too, leading me to have mixed emotions.  I have hopes and plans for a great place for students to come, learn and fellowship together in a Christ-like manner, learning to communicate with excellence for His glory.  Lately, I have been allowing myself to be overly worried or concerned about what will happen with the club next year, who will be in the club, what it all means for my own kids as this has been such an important part of their education for the last few years, and I hope for it to continue for years to come.

Also, recently there was some question of whether my husband’s job would be there for him in the next year or two.  The company he works for announced major layoffs, and there was a bit of uncertainty there for a few days.  Tension arose regarding finances, and how quickly we are spending money.  Adoption costs, home and auto maintenance expenses, as well as just every day expenses weighed heavily on us as we thought about the possibility that the job we have depended on for over two decades may not be there to provide for us anymore.  Everyone can relate to the fact that this kind of financial stress can cause at least a little conflict in a marriage, and I was feeling the effects of that recently as well.  Things seem to be OK for now with the job, by the way, so that is very good news.

All of these things have caused me to be a little bit down lately.  I am usually a very optimistic person, always able to see the “bright side” or the “silver lining.”  Honestly, I have been struggling with that lately.  Instead of my normally cheerful heart, I feel an unfamiliar weight in my heart.  I realize that this is something that many people walk around with all the time.  Life is full of burdens, heartache, pressure, stress, and disappointment.  How can we make it through?  When our hearts are troubled, when we are experiencing sadness, disappointment, even depression, where do we turn?

I am so thankful that I have a relationship with God, and that I know Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  In the light of His glory and grace, all else fades away.  I was out running a few weeks ago.  Running has become a great outlet for me.  I can just lose myself in it, and it is a great time to pray and listen to uplifting music.  While I was running, I heard a song entitled, “Sparrows” by Jason Gray.  The words of this song really capture what I have been learning lately.  All of the things that are building up, creating a perfect environment for stress and worry—all of these things HE holds in His hands.

Jesus said, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31).

It’s hard to imagine that our heavenly Father knows even the tiniest little bird in a nest.  He clothes the fields with beautiful flowers.  He feeds the birds of the air, who neither sow nor reap, so why should I worry.  Worry adds not a single hour to my life (Matthew 6:25-34), and worry certainly won’t help accomplish anything helpful or even practical.  The Lord holds everything in His hands—every created thing, even time is in His hands.  He holds tomorrow.  Each moment, full of concern or worries as they may be, are in His keeping.

Here are all the words to the song, “Sparrows.”  And I’ll include the music video also.  I love this song.  Music speaks to my heart in such a profound way, and I am thankful that the Lord gave us music to encourage our hearts as well as to praise Him.  Just listening to these words (which really come from the Bible) and singing along helps me to feel better.  I love the words that remind me that I don’t walk alone.  So many times, when we are going through difficult times, we feel alone.  I know I’m not alone.  He is always with me.  May you also be encouraged today, whatever you may be going through.

Sparrows

You can’t add a single day by worrying
You’ll worry your life away
Oh don’t worry your life away
You can’t change a single thing by freaking out
It’s just gonna close you in
Oh don’t let the trouble win

You may feel alone
But you’re not on your own

(chorus)
(Lalala) if He can hold the world He can hold this moment
(Lalala) not a field nor flower escapes His notice
Oh even the sparrow
Knows He holds tomorrow

Lean in and it’s hard to miss
Everything can change
When you make it His
Oh He wants to carry it
Carefree in the care of God
When you let it go
You’ll find that He’s enough
Oh you never leave His love

You don’t walk alone

(chorus)
(Lalala) if He can hold the world He can hold this moment
(Lalala) not a field nor flower escapes His notice
Oh even the sparrow
Knows He holds tomorrow

There’s not a single star that’s out of place
There’s nothing broken He can’t remake
If you long for hope when you’re afraid
Oh look at the sparrow
Look at the sparrow

(chorus)
(Lalala) if He can hold the world He can hold this moment
(Lalala) not a field nor flower escapes His notice
Oh even the sparrow
Knows He holds tomorrow
(Lalala) even the sparrow knows
He holds tomorrow

Hey, y’all, it’s summer.  The word “routine” has a very loose meaning around here during the weeks of summer.  There are, however, a few things that normally take place for me each morning.

First off, I wake up before everyone else in the house.  I may not really enjoy doing this all the time, actually.  But I discovered during my fourth pregnancy that it really did help me to drag myself out of bed at least an hour before everyone else so I could enjoy a little quiet time, exercise, get ready for the day, and have my morning coffee before the masses made their appearance.  Before this discovery, I could be found on any given morning being jolted from my sleep by three rambunctious, ravenous little people all saying, “Mama!!!!! Mama!!!!  What’s for breakfaaaaaast???” at the same time.  I would stumble down the steps in my pajamas, glasses on, and try to search my foggy mind for the answer to that terribly difficult question.  I had a Master’s Degree from Stanford University, and the question of “What’s for breakfast?” repeatedly left me with a deep, dark, black hole in the brain.  Usually during those days, the answer was: OATMEAL! Ahh, those were the days when a daily dose of lumpy oats served simply with brown sugar and milk was good enough to satisfy those starving little bellies.  Fast forward 14 years, and this is not so simple anymore.  Thankfully, I have figured out the art of menu planning, so my brain no longer has to come up with the answer to “what’s for breakfast?”.

Back to my routine.  These days, with teenagers in the house, we usually have to wake the masses.  During this summer, I haven’t been doing that at all (shh..don’t tell anyone).  I let them trickle into the kitchen as they wake up on their own.  This can mean our kitchen is never clean until after lunch, but it’s summer and that’s ok.  So, before they begin trickling in, I wake up and exercise.  I have been running three times per week, and doing some sort of strength training three times per week, with one day off.  After this, I have my coffee and quiet time in God’s Word, usually alone, occasionally with my 3-year-old little guy by my side (he is our current resident early riser).

This is when things get more interesting.  We have three dairy goats (Nubians). Two of them had kids a couple of months ago, so now my morning routine involves wrestling with those feisty gals in order to acquire liquid gold for the baby of the family, our 14-month-old boy. He loves this stuff, and it makes up a significant part of his diet right now.  His little tummy tolerates our raw goat milk way better than cow’s milk!  And his chubby little cheeks and very round belly attest to the fact that it is doing a good job of nourishing him.  So, I trudge out to the goat yard each morning, grab a flake of alfalfa, two scoops of homemixed goat feed, and head out to wrangle Charlie and Dolly. This can be a  somewhat soothing (uh, once the wrangling part is through), as the soft cool morning breeze wafts around me, and the sounds of the farmyard serenade me.  Chickens cluck, ducks quack, dogs bark in the distance.  It can be quite beautiful.  Then Charlie kicks a little with her hind legs and almost ruins the whole bucket of milk I have worked so hard to get!  Dolly is pretty good till the food runs out and she begins to kick with both hind legs.  That little gal is younger and more athletic and can actually put all her weight in her front legs and kick with both legs at the same time.  She has amost knocked the whole milking stand over doing this.  I have it down to a science now, though.  I hold the bucket in my left hand, and milk with my right, so I am able to quickly pull the bucket away when I sense the kick coming.  It must look prett amusing, but thankfully there is no one there to watch me but the chickens and the other goats.  And the gigantic spider that has taken up residence in the goat house….

Eek!  This creature is really huge.  I’m not sure you can tell from this picture just how huge it is.  For the last week or so, as I milk I can feel all 8 of its eyes staring at me from above.  You may be wondering why I haven’t just squished this thing.  I haven’t killed it, well, because….Charlotte.  And Wilbur.  Not to mention that I estimate there to be about 50 gazillion flies out by our animals at the moment, and Charlotte here could help reduce that number by at least 2 or 3 per day.  That’s a big dent there.  I could be a tad squeamish about the actual process of killing such a large spider, too, maybe.  But really it’s mostly about Charlotte.  Spiders really are very fascinating creatures.  We had a spider just like this one spin a web right outside our kitchen window a few years ago, and I created an entire science unit around that baby (confessions of a homeschool mom).  We watched her catch everything from flies to large grasshoppers, wrap them up, eat them, and cut them out of her web to drop to the ground below.  Spiders like their webs to be tidy, unlike my children.  At the end of our spectacular spider unit, she even left us a substantial egg sack just to the side of the window. It was truly a gift.  But I digress from my morning routine.

Once I have procured the liquid gold from my not-so-cooperative morning compadres, ducking so as to not plant my face right in the middle of Charlotte’s web (eek!), I head to the chicken coop, collect the eggs and head on back to the house where things are usually still pretty quiet.  I filter the milk, put it in the fridge, and put away the eggs.  By now, usually littlest bit is awake and ready for some of that yummy milk I worked so hard to get for him.  And…we are off and running! Read alouds, catching up on unfinished math lessons, errands, summer camps, music lessons, attempts at organizing and taming the monster that is our home right now are the things that fill our days this summer.  I am thankful for each little busy thing.  Every one means my home and heart are full.  It’s a good life.

Well, there you have it: a little glimpse into my basic morning routine.  Anything can change on a given morning, but this is a general idea of what my mornings usually contain right now.  When school begins in a few short weeks (*sniff*), this routine will change significantly.  This is it for now.  It’s busy, full and sweet in many ways, even the spider.  I’m hoping to get the kids out there to watch her with me soon.  Hopefully, I won’t regret leaving her there and find that someday she decides to just come on down and jump on my head while I’m milking.  That just might disturb the peace of the farmyard a little bit.

“The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:23-24